Photo by Sharon Montrose -
www.sharonmontrose.com
The Unbearable Balderdash in Resume Vocabulary
Of course, it is lame to waste a converstation lamenting the preposterous phrases of
corporate-speak, and sports metaphors for example, or perfectly good words that
are driven to meaninglessness by gross overuse. However, when the fear of being
"lame" is overriden by a need for release when one's state of irritation expands
to uncomfortable proportions, one simply exhales verbal exacerbations.
Of late, .. I've found that "job search speak" is in this category.
One fine evening after looking at a lot of LinkedIn profiles and resume-writing
articles and the like ...
I found it all to be so much cardboard: everyone has a "proven track record",
is a "risk taker"..and EVERYONE is "passionate", even about spreadsheets and .. and so on...
some publications prescribe the use of "action" words but just as many mock
the overuse of the same..
(Recently, I finally saw it all presented from the correct perspective..
basically, there are many fine things that one can say to describe the work habits
and skills of another, but one should NEVER use such to describe oneself)
Ten Ways You Should Never Describe Yourself
I muttered "results-driven", "goals-oriented" .. what on earth does that mean, anyway? -
as if one could endeavor to do anything at all without considering the goals....".
And so, in a desperate fit of exaspertion and wine-soaked humour,
began our list ...
- Curiosity-driven with an unwavering tenacity to find the flaw in the ointment ..
- Dive in to a project with little consideration for goals and results
- Prefer to stay focused on the process rather than the results of an endeavor
- Work tirelessly to lower expectations, then meet them
- Spent a decade frozen in hermeneutic paralysis, and then did so again
- Succeeded in performing very complex intergration testing in spite of nominal direction
- Energized my team by serving making available chocolate espresso beans
- Have a proven ability to consistently produce subpar results
- Possess a rare ability to underwhelm myself
- Excel at being perceived as a facile dilettante
- Stick my neck out on a limb to assure .. .
- Stickler for maintaining my perspective from the margin
- Skilled at creating and maintaining tailored poor impressions on key associates
- Produce positive results in a slight but measurable way
- Proficient in disquising my gravitas from others
- Always bring something to the table, if only cheese and a baguette
- A self-starter who can get herself out of bed the before the coffee is prepared
- Adroit at side-stepping risk rather than managing it
- Deft with ___ (we just like the word)
- Possess the involuntary wake-in-the-middle-of-the-night mulling over of an unsolved issue
- Consistently released customer-accepted working code, despite normal constraints such as time, expanding development schedule ..
These lists ARE useful: